In this new podcast episode, John Miles, a former U.S. Naval officer, accomplished multi-industry CEO, and the host of the highly acclaimed "Passion Struck Podcast," provides insights into his upcoming book, "Passion Struck," and the transformative movement he has initiated to reshape human behavior. Beyond the pages, "Passion Struck" serves as a personalized roadmap, a guiding framework designed for intentional living—one that invites you to serve a purpose greater than yourself. Drawing from a seven-year study, 700 vanguards, influential interviews, and personal experiences, John unveils a powerful framework encompassing mindset shifts, behavior changes, and actionable steps tailored for your personal growth. https://passionstruck.com/passion-struck-book/ - Order a copy of his new book, "Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life," today! Picked by the Next Big Idea Club as a must-read for 2024. Throughout our conversation, John addresses compelling questions such as: - What does passion truly mean, and why is it increasingly crucial in our world today? - How do the seemingly insignificant choices you make daily shape the course of your life? - What strategies can be employed to ignite intrinsic motivation and sustain it over time? - How does one craft a life that is both fulfilling and intentional? - Why is it pivotal to define and live by your core values in your unique personal development? - The significance of reflecting on feelings of disappointment in the decision-making process. John also unravels the six steps of the deliberate action process and its role in guiding your positive life changes. Our conversation delves into the importance of constant reinvention in one's life, unraveling the associated processes. For leaders and managers especially, don’t miss John’s thought-provoking concepts such as the "mission angler," "mosquito audit," "fear confronter," and "visionary arsonist." "Passion Struck" is an invitation—an inspiration—for you to sidestep the "quiet desperation" that might be lingering. It beckons you to craft a life uniquely aligned with your passions, values, and aspirations. This transformative guide is your trusted companion on the journey toward intentional living and personal transformation. You can get John Miles Passion Struck book go [here](https://amzn.to/3PRydlO) To contact John R. Miles: Web: [PassionStruck.com](https://passionstruck.com) LinkedIn: [@milesjohn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/milesjohn/) Youtube: [@john_r_miles](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTLdXATpxf8LP3riC0_mkKw?sub_confirmation=1) Instagram :[@john_r_miles](https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles/) Facebook: [@johnrmiles.c0m](https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m) Thank you so much for sharing your LOVE for the Podcast by sharing it with Friends, Subscribing, Rating & Leaving a Review. With Love - Cristina To support the podcast: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/changemaker To contact Cristina Pujol: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cpujoljensen/ Web: https://tuytumente.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/CristinaPujol7 https://instagram.com/changemakersmind Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tuytumente Music: https://gonzalograu.com/index-new.html
In this new podcast episode, John Miles, a former U.S. Naval officer, accomplished multi-industry CEO, and the host of the highly acclaimed "Passion Struck Podcast," provides insights into his upcoming book, "Passion Struck," and the transformative movement he has initiated to reshape human behavior.
Beyond the pages, "Passion Struck" serves as a personalized roadmap, a guiding framework designed for intentional living—one that invites you to serve a purpose greater than yourself. Drawing from a seven-year study, 700 vanguards, influential interviews, and personal experiences, John unveils a powerful framework encompassing mindset shifts, behavior changes, and actionable steps tailored for your personal growth.
https://passionstruck.com/passion-struck-book/ - Order a copy of his new book, "Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life," today! Picked by the Next Big Idea Club as a must-read for 2024.
Throughout our conversation, John addresses compelling questions such as:
John also unravels the six steps of the deliberate action process and its role in guiding your positive life changes.
Our conversation delves into the importance of constant reinvention in one's life, unraveling the associated processes. For leaders and managers especially, don’t miss John’s thought-provoking concepts such as the "mission angler," "mosquito audit," "fear confronter," and "visionary arsonist."
"Passion Struck" is an invitation—an inspiration—for you to sidestep the "quiet desperation" that might be lingering. It beckons you to craft a life uniquely aligned with your passions, values, and aspirations. This transformative guide is your trusted companion on the journey toward intentional living and personal transformation.
You can get John Miles Passion Struck book go here
To contact John R. Miles:
Web: PassionStruck.com
LinkedIn: @milesjohn
Youtube: @john_r_miles
Instagram :@john_r_miles
Facebook: @johnrmiles.c0m
Today in this episode, I have with me a former U.S.Naval officer, multi-industry CEO, systems entrepreneurs, top podcast host of the podcast, passion struck podcast ranked in the top 0.1% globally, And author of the book that is releasing the first week of February, passion struck. He has started a huge movement of passion struck to change human behavior by teaching the skills to live intentionally in service of something bigger than oneself. He has been in my podcast before. So check out the episode 52.
You're going to learn more about him. And now that his book is about to release, we brought him back to tell us all about it.
So help me in welcoming this passion struck leader.
Hi, John.
How are you?
John Miles is an amazing person. And I'm so happy that you're back here.
Christina, I am so excited to be here and you are one of my favorite podcasts. So it's always such an honor to get to come back on it.
Thank you so much. And I had the honor to read the book and, and also connecting with you last time. I think we have so many things in common.
So I want to ask things and learn more about the book.
And I know people have to wait to read it, but maybe we can give some glimpses about the things that you share and your method of getting a passion struck.
I know I asked you this last time, but since some people may skip listening, which I don't suggest that you do, go to episode 52.
What is a passion for you?
To me, passion is that burning desire inside that leads us to want to have self-actualization.
It wants us to fulfill things that we only dream of, but we want to make reality.
It's one of the most important things I think people need to have, especially in the world we live in right now, to carry us forward into the next generations.
I heard some people because I totally agree with your definition.
But then I hear some people say, well, you don't need passion because you can fall in love or you can get passionate about something when you try it enough times or when you spend enough time with it.
What do you think about that sentence?
I mean, you hear about people who perhaps have been in an arranged marriage and over time they learn to love each other.
I think you can learn to love something because you're doing it so many times or you spend so much time with someone.
But to me, there's a little bit of difference between that and the passion that I'm talking about, which is really that inner flame that lights you up, that exploitation of your uniqueness solving a problem that only you inherently were born to solve.
And I think when we find that uniqueness, when we find that passion, we want to do everything we can to pursue it because that's what lights us up.That's what gets us out of bed. That's what makes us feel like we matter. And when that is extinguished, I think it causes people to feel a lot of angst.
They have to do a lot of soul searching because they feel lost.
And can it happen that you start solving one specific problem and then you have passion about that?
And then once it's solved, you have to look for another thing to be passionate about.
Is that how it would happen?
Yeah, I think Bill Gates is a great example of this.
He had a tremendous amount of passion to create the Windows operating system and what became Microsoft.
But his passion shifted like I think a lot of ours do and it's now on philanthropic ventures.
One of the core concepts I talk about frequently is the importance of constant reinvention.
And to me, your passion is going to evolve.
And so it's constantly reinventing yourself as that aligns as you grow as a human.
I love that part actually because I saw that and I totally feel aligned with that because as you know, I've also had to reinvent myself a couple of times. And I think one of the things I share a lot is that, and you mentioned that in the book too, is that change might be harder when things are going well.
And you put an example of someone, a life example of someone that was on the peak of their career and then they have to choose or they chose to change. And I think change is it is harder when you're not pushed into change.
And that is what you talk about reinventing oneself.
Now going into that, now that we got into the reinvention, how much is it that if you are tied your identity to who you are, what you do, I'm sorry, the identity to what you are doing and the fact that then reinventing will be harder because your identity is too tied to your things and to how can you change that easier so that reinventing is easier?
Well, I think it's like anything.
The more you get into the habit of putting yourself out there and doing it, the easier it's going to get.
And I think it's a skill that can definitely be built.
It's something that needs to be built.
And I think it starts with constant learning at its core because the more we learn about other things that are in the universe, other things that peak our interests, the more we're going to grow as a human being and the more we're going to try these things out in our life, just even unconsciously doing some of these things will expand us.
So to me, it's something that I think at first can be very difficult.
But if you look at it as more of a subtle change as opposed to having to do a huge life change, it becomes easier.
And the more you can do these subtle changes a long time, instead of waiting for a major event to happen that makes you do a huge change, the easier it becomes.
Makes sense.
So basically, the power of reinvention has making small shifts and practicing often.
Is that correct?
Yeah, I think it's making...
I mean, that's one of the main things I talk about in the book is the power of what I call micro-choices.
There, every single day we make 60,000 to 90,000 choices.
We have thoughts and each one of those thoughts becomes a decision that we make.
And I believe it's those micro-choices that either propel us to a valley of despair or to the tsunami of greatness in our life because we end up perpetuating a continuous cycle that either is leading us to growth or the status quo.
7:12: And I think the biggest thing that reinvention brings is a constant drive to want to expand our boundaries and to be more than what we are.
So that's kind of how I think about it.
Yeah.
And that's...
It's for whatever reason, these are themes that are coming to me recently about the small changes, which I love that you talked on the book, because I think sometimes we're not aware of them and you start walking a path with small changes and eight years along the way, then you're like, "Oh my God, I was not supposed to be here."
So what are things that can help us to pay attention to those small decisions that may not be the ones that are going to help us?
I think the most important thing you've got to learn to do is to do something that I call aligning action with intention, with aspiration.
And I think what a lot of people end up doing is they think that they're independent variables when they are interdependent and they rely on each other.
You can try to measure your action, but if it's not aligned intentionally with your core values, if it's not aligned with where your future aspirations lie, then to me, you're making choices or actions that are easy.
They're in the moment, they're almost unconscious.
But to me, if you're really doing it with that alignment, you're doing things that are harder.
You're making these mindful choices that end up really galvanizing you and expanding your presence and expanding your breath.
And then that fulfills your aspirations over time.
But if you don't get at that alignment correct of action, intention, and aspiration, you get out of discourse and things start unraveling.
So I guess that's why you mentioned that you first start the mindset shift, which is you have to look at what your beliefs are, what your values are, so that you know or what you aspire to be so that you align everything else towards that mindset.
Because I was going to ask you, could you start in another place to change yourself instead of the mind?
But I guess if you first said all these things about values, beliefs, then you kind of set the target of where you want to go and align everything towards that, right?
Yeah, the way I organize the book is the first section is on mindset shifts, the second section is on behavior shifts, and the third section kind of brings it all together with the psychology of progress, which is how you use deliberate action and intrinsic motivation to fuel you.
10:20- But if you can think of it this way, your mindset shifts are the why you're doing something and they influence the how.
The behavior shift is really the what, which then creates the how, and this deliberate action then is the where and the when that you end up taking those actions to fulfill a mindset shift or a behavior shift.
Yeah.
And when you talk about, like, I know you have this diagram, which is really cool.
I don't know how much I can tell, but I'll ask anything and you tell me if not.
But I say like you've made like an icky guy of passion.
And I love that where you have the three circles and you kind of tell what is each of them.
Tell us a little bit about these triad and why have you put these three things together?
Yeah, what you're talking about is the passion strike model.
And I actually wrote the book and as I was reading at this framework kind of came into my mind.
And if you think about this as Mickey Mouse ears, these two circles that form the ears are really mindset and behavior.
And then underneath it is the concentric circle of action.
But to me, where you have that alignment of mindset, behavior, and action all coming together, like I said, with action and alignment with intention, alignment with aspiration, it creates passion struck.
And so there are a few things in this model that I thought were extremely important.
One is your passion, as we talked about at the beginning, really drives your mindset.
There's another aspect of what I think the underlying triangle that is the foundation of this sits upon and that's perseverance.
And to me, your perseverance is really aligned with your behaviors because your behaviors and as you're starting to make those changes, you need to persevere to get through them.
And then to me, your action is absolutely in alignment with intention.
So passion, perseverance and intention underpin mindset, behavior, and action.
12:30- And then the other thing I put into the model were the four stoic virtues of wisdom, values, self mastery and courage, because in the end, it takes courage to drive action.
It takes wisdom to drive your mindset shifts.
It takes your core values to drive your behavior.
And ultimately, where all this is leading to is self mastery, driven by intrinsic motivation.
So that's kind of how in a big picture way to think what the book is trying to bring to life.
And talking about motivation that you mentioned, what is intrinsic motivation?
So I think it's important for people to understand the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic.
So when we think of extrinsic motivation or extrinsic validation, they're typically the things that align with success or material objects or titles or external reward systems that were drawn to that are motivating us to take our actions.
Whereas intrinsic motivation or validation is completely the opposite.
It's those things that internally are driving your resolve or drive.
So it's things like that inner passion that you feel to do something.
It's the relationships that bring you joy in your life.
It's the satisfaction that you get from helping someone.
It's the satisfaction that you get from being kind to someone.
It's the feeling of awe.
I think that we all have felt in our lives, but we want more of.
So that's a key difference, I think, in how you can see extrinsic validation being achievement status, material possessions versus intrinsic motivation originates from oneself.
But then usually when we talk about motivation, people associate that with having the drive to do something.
So usually if you have a big Y, then you have more drive.
But sometimes you lose the motivation along the way.
And how do you find that intrinsic motivation again?
Or what can help you keep that motivation so you don't have to force yourself constantly to do something?
So I know the Y is a big thing, but what else can help you to keep that motivation?
Yeah, Christina, I think one is self acceptance.
And a great example of this would be let's just take a dancer like yourself.
You feel a deep sense of accomplishment and joy in creating your art, regardless of whether it wins awards or gains public recognition.
You do it because you love it.
You love to dance.
You love to express yourself.
And when you do so, this personal growth that you experience, this creative process, it ends up bringing you fulfillment.
And it's internal fulfillment.
The same thing I think ends up happening with self compassion.
So after making a mistake at work, instead of berating ourselves or relying on others to assure us, we can practice that self compassion, where we acknowledge the mistake, learn from it and recognize that our errors are part of growth and the human experience rather than treating ourselves in a way that we just come down on ourselves so much.
So those are two ways that I would recommend that if you find yourself in situations, you can change it.
Yeah, and I think the second one is important, because that will drive you down on the path of self-inflation of, you know, I didn't do these or I didn't.
And then it's harder to get up and go back and do the thing that you want to do.
Well, and I think another one is to define success on your own terms.
And I mean, we've touched on this, but it really means setting goals that align with your values and what brings you intrinsic satisfaction rather than those that are aimed at getting recognition or the feeling of approval from others.
And when you free yourself from that, it enables you to have so much more growth and confidence in being able to pursue those things that are most meaningful to you.
I find with the people that I work with, one, the big thing is this thing about reinventing themselves.
Like once they reach one, you know, success, whatever they define success in their careers is switching to something else, which we kind of touch a little bit.
And then people that don't even know what values are, like they do have values, but they never spend time, they do it like at work.
So they set like a mission for their whatever, you know, business they're in, but not for themselves, you know.
And so how for these people that have no, not, not no clue, but they don't pay attention to their personal value so much, what can help them to be more conscious, have more intention, which is a word that you use a lot.
And then I think it's so important.
Yeah, it's interesting.
When I started Passionstruck, one of the first things that I developed because I wanted the community to align to a certain set of values is I created the Passionstruck core belief system.
And it's amazing to me how often that page is hit and how many people write to me and say, we love that you've laid out this criteria.
And to me, it's something that I guess I started to look at when I was a midshipman at the Naval Academy was we were always taught these values of what it meant to be a midshipman or to serve our country.
And I guess some of those attributes just became a living and breathing part of me, meaning you need to have things like integrity, you need when you're faced with situations to do the right thing, you're meant to show humility over ego.
I mean, whatever it is that you want to create, I think it's part of introspection and really sending a baseline for what to you are the things that you're not going to settle for in your life.
What are the things that when life happens, these are going to be constant reminders to you that in those moments, this is how I want to act.
This is how I want to show myself and show up in the world.
And I think one of the things that can help people is to write them down to Journal of Adam.
But I think if you want to make this something that becomes a recurring theme in your life, it's to think about them and make them habitual so that when you're faced with these decisions, it becomes an automatic response that this is how you're going to react in those situations.
And one of the chapters that I talk about this about a lot in the book is on something that I call the boundary magnifier because as you're growing as a human, sometimes being right is going to mean that you find yourself alone.
You're going to be in situations that are unpopular because of what your personal beliefs are that may be different from friends or family members or peers.
And I think a great example of that that I bring up in the book is Steve Jobs, who really had these values that were driving him that he thought were going to create this company that had been such a passionate component of himself.
But he believed in his value so much that eventually he was taken out of his own company, but he stood by his values and kept perpetuating them and it ended up resulting in him coming back in and then we all see what ended up happening with Apple.
But if you think about that, sometimes these decisions will leave you in positions where you are alone.
You are because you're pushing your boundaries, you're setting these deliberate guideposts for how you want to live your life that it's going to cause you to have to make tough choices.
But I think once you do and once you assert those boundaries, they become a consistent attractor of the things that you want in your life, whether that's the environment you want, the people you want, the influences you want, and they're going to continue to drive you in that direction that you're trying to expand.
This I think is very important to pay attention to because what you said, doing the right thing is not the popular thing many times.
And to remember your values because when things, when like you're saying when life hits you, is when your values are tested because that's when you have to say, okay, now if this is my value, I have to stand by my value.
And sometimes we, I think as human beings, we are afraid of being outside of the group.
And if your values put you outside of the group, it can be hard.
And once you started like so, of the things that you share, having first the description of the values, which they are, which ones do you want to live for is the first thing then having them written like you're saying, having them somewhere where you can remember.
But what are the things can you do?
So if you reach a point where there's a tough decision and you haven't built like the momentum of that path, what can help you make a tough decision and stick to your values instead of tripping over your values?
Well, I think one key thing is, is when you make the mistake, how does it make you feel?
Meaning, I think we've all had situations where we take the easier path in that moment.
It could be because we're feeling peer pressure.
It could be because maybe to take that physical action, it's going to take so much more out of us that we ended up taking an easier one than that one we would have taken.
So I mean, it could be your, you set a goal that you want to climb a mountain and you only make it halfway up because you lose the resolve in climbing it.
And so your core value could be you want to show perseverance in how you lead your life.
I think what you got to do is you have to reflect on those situations and how did it make you feel?
Are you disappointed in yourself and in your actions?
And if so, do you want to keep having that being the feeling or do you want to have the feeling of one of authenticity that you were living up to the standards that you set for yourself?
And so to me, that's what's always helped reinforce them for me is when I don't do the behavior that I want, it's the repercussions that come with it that I learned from.
And I realize that that's not what I'm proud of.
That's not what I stand for.
And then when those situations come again, it then becomes a memory trickler in your mind of how you do you do want to show up.
And so you're not perpetuating the same thing over and over again.
###
And there's another part of the book that you have, which I love, where you talk about the mosquitoes.
Can you tell us about?
I think that part is important.
Also, everything it's important.
But yeah, so let me lay the backdrop here.
So we talked about the framework of Mindset Shifts and behavior shifts.
And I think it's important for people to understand that these just didn't come out of the magical layer.
I ended up having a real passion for studying what makes people as Robin Sharma say become the top 5%.
Why do some people learn how to 10x their lives?
And what is the secret to it?
So I started to do this research that culminated over seven years to be examining what I call 700 vanguards that are everything from CEOs to musical performers, actors and actresses, to astronauts, military veterans, to New York Times bestselling authors.
Like what causes these people to break out?
And I kept seeing these patterns emerge.
And I ended up starting with around 30 of them.
And it came down to 12 core principles that I saw people who had up leveled their life implement in their lives.
And as I really went into the psychology and the behavior science behind it, it turns out that six of them were really shifts of mindset and six of them were these behavior shifts.
But where I start this out is something that I call a mission angler.
So the first step that I talk about in the book is you've got to be a life crafter.
You have to angle for the life that you want, followed by the next principle, which gets into the constant reinvention, being a brand reinventer that I talked about.
But then once you start, once you've figured out where you want to craft your life and you start on this process of reinvention, the first thing that you're going to run into is resistance from your environment, those people who surround you.
So as I was thinking about this, I happened to be on a walk and I turned on a radio program and the announcer said, “What, to the audience, do you think is the most dangerous animal on the planet?"
And the responses started to come in and they were the same responses that I was thinking of, shark or a spider or a snake or a jellyfish, like they have in Australia, wherever it might be.
And it turns out we were all wrong.
It turns out that far and away the mosquito is the most dangerous animal on the planet, kills almost two million people per year.
But it got me thinking of Jonah Berger's work on invisible influence.
And similar to mosquitoes who are trying to drain our blood, there are human mosquitoes who are also trying to extract blood from us.
And they are these invisible influences that we don't even think about that are permeating our life.
And so I then went to define some common ones that I have seen in my life to make this into a fun exercise for someone who reads the book.
And the first one I call the blood sucker.
And this is someone who's really a boundary destroyer.
These people draw blood often by ignoring professional or personal boundaries.
They might make intrusive demands of your time, question your decisions, offer unsolicited advice.
But ultimately, it leaves you feeling undermined and disrespected.
And I think we can relate to the bloodsuckers in our lives.
The second category is something that I call the invisible suffocator.
And these are known for their negative outlook.
These pessimists are the ones who engage in constant complaining, which we've all seen dampen the mood, affect morale on a team.
They're the ones who had a family gathering.
Maybe you're sitting next to your aunt or uncle, and you mentioned to them that you've got this great opportunity.
And all they can do is talk about the negative aspects and how it's going to cause all these painful changes in your life and why you shouldn't pursue it.
And then the last one are the pitas, which some people call them pieces of work.
I refer to them as pains in the ass.
And they're the people in your life who thrive on drama and conflict.
They instigate disputes, they gossip, they create tension, discomfort, and ultimately undermine so many things that you want to create.
And so I, they're more than those three types, but I thought those are three great starting points for you to get this idea.
And then what I ended up suggesting is that you treat this as if you were shooting a bow and arrow against a target.
An easy way to start implementing this is to just think about that target and do a simple exercise where think about the 15 people who are most closest to you in your life.
In the first circle, put the five who are most close to you, the next five, the next five, and then go through each of those individuals and do any of them exhibit any of the behaviors of the three mosquitoes that I brought up.
If so, they are absolutely impacting who you are and the person you want to become, which is a great starting point because once you can recognize them, you now have the power to do something about it.
Yeah, and it caught my attention because I'm working on self-esteem with a group of people and it made me think that your self-esteem is also so affected by mosquitoes around you.
And so I thought that was a very good point.
If you allow mosquitoes, we call it vampires to be drawing your blood, it's going to be harder to bring up your confidence, your courage, your self-esteem because that's going to be affecting you and especially if it's close people to you that are there by you all the time.
Yeah, I mean, I think an energy vampire is a great example, our metaphor for this as well.
I like the, I use the mosquito because I think sometimes these things, these people tend to appear almost like they're invisible because oftentimes have been in our life for so long that we've just been accustomed to them being there and those voices have been influencing us for a very long time and we don't even realize the long-term implications.
So I guess then these people that you were studying pay great attention to not having mosquitoes around them so that they can thrive,
Yeah, I mean, one of the people I talk about is Thaddeus Bullard, who if anyone who's listening might be a WWE fan, he's a pretty famous wrestler but Thaddeus, his mom, I don't even think was 12 or 13 years old when he was born and he was immersed in just negativity throughout his young life and he kept getting arrested, kept getting, I mean, the police even came a couple times in school to take him away and he just found himself leading this life where most people were projecting that by the time he was 16 he was going to be dead because of the influences that had become part of his life and he had this lucky event happen where he was kind of forced to go to this summer camp that was run by the police department and through that he started to learn a completely different view of life and he started getting positive influences in his life and it changed his whole trajectory and once he learned what those boundaries were, it's something that he's protected or projected now throughout the rest of his life so even when he had situations such as he was an all-american football player at University of Florida, even when he didn't make it to the NFL when his time in the arena league didn't amount to what he wanted, instead of leaning into the negative influences, he listened to the ones who said you can pivot and do something different with your life which led him from that point to wrestling and now he's one of the most philanthropic people that I know but that's just a small example of someone who's implemented in this lot in their life.
I think a bigger example that people would know would be Oprah and when you look at the beginning of her life and the physical abuse and everything else that infiltrated her life and then the constant setbacks that she had at the early part of her career until she did her own mosquito audit and took out those influences and figured out the path that she wanted to go on and then you see what it amounts to today.
Yeah, I love that the mosquito audit and I think the good analogy is that sometimes you don't see it, it's in front of your face and you don't see it and that's kind of like a mosquito and especially the mosquito now that you cannot even hear them and so yeah and you have to be kind of like you have to schedule time to sit down and say okay let me just have an assessment of where I am, what are the mosquitoes in my life and what do I need to be careful in practicing, looking for the things that are good for you and the sentences if you don't have anybody around reading, listening, writing to you and finding these as a practice not as a one-time thing.
Absolutely.
In another point you talk about the fear confronter.
Can you tell us a little bit more about what is that?
After you have these influences in your life and you start to make changes and you start doing the mosquito audit the next thing that you've got to realize is that the biggest competitor you're ever going to run into is yourself and this starts and ends with self-doubt, imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, all the things that we do to ourselves and one of the things I didn't write about in the book but one of the concepts that I love to talk about is that we end up becoming visionary arsonists.
We become someone who with the best of our intentions for personal growth and achievement we inadvertently arson the very dreams and aspirations that we're trying to create.
We end up dreaming big but then we engage in behaviors that are counterproductive to these goals and I think one of the clearest ways you could look at this is you set a goal to run a marathon but yet as you go down this path of achieving it you start changing your diet, you start changing your routine, how much you're actually dedicating yourself to going out and doing the daily practice that it's going to take to get there, you end up changing your mindset on and you then start saying well I could do a half marathon instead of a full marathon or I could run a 10k instead of it and you start making these decisions and before you know it the dream that you've set out or the task is no longer one and so to me 36:45- signs that we are creating this visionary arsonist aspect in our lives are things such as perfectionism, setting unrealistic goals, procrastination, negative self-talk, avoidant behaviors.
It's when your actions consistently contradict your personal aspirations.
Again going back to you got to align action with intention with aspiration and what ends up happening is it leads to frustration in the sense of being stuck which I think so many of us have felt.
And when you talk about intention what is the difference so sometimes I hear intention as being conscious about what you're doing and other times it's like you set an intention for example in your actions.
What is the difference in your definition of intention and consciousness?
I think they're ultimately aligned to me intentionality is definitely linked to I believe your your actions that you end up taking and to me when you're intentional about something you're thinking you're being conscious in that moment about thinking about the action that you're taking and basically the why behind it like why am I doing this and typically that aligns if you're doing it in a positive way to who you want to become to this ideal self that you're aspiring to be and to me that's where intention comes into play is it's you're making these choices intentionally to become a better person to become a more self-realized person to become the best person you possibly can become.
Yeah because I was trying to understand the the difference because I feel sometimes people have an intention so they set an intention but they're not conscious of what's behind the intention and so I was trying to understand where you came from with the intention word because at least I have clients that they say no no my intention is this yeah but no you're not being conscious really about your intention and so they in their mind this is the intention but from outside you can see like the action doesn't speak that way.
No I mean I have a whole chapter I wrote about that that it's kind of this whole philosophy that I learned many years ago that people speak with their feet and so often words come out of our mouth but our actions that we show are completely different and that's exactly what that is.
39:00 To me intention is really the fact that you recognize that your life is going on a path that you don't want it to go on and you intentionally alter that course versus unintentionally or unconsciously just perpetuating the course that you're on and I think to be honest that's what the majority of us end up doing is we have this inner voice inside of us who's telling us that everything is great that the way we're leading our lives is comfortable and keep doing it but if you start looking at where your aspirations are going to your point if you had set an intention that this is what you want to become and you're not doing it that's where your intentionality kicks in and you consciously start making decisions that are more in alignment with where you want to go.
You've been coaching working with people interviewing amazing people of all the things that you see and I know this is not a single answer but of all the things that keep people stuck what is one of the major things that keep people stuck and not wanting to change even when things are good but it's not what they want?
40:52- I think one of the things that keeps us stuck is our perspective meaning oftentimes we see things in a very linear black and white way it's it becomes either an eye or it's an either or and how we're viewing things rather than a both and and I think that is something that it seems easy to do on the outside to become a prospective harnesser but the western mindset which is deeply rooted in Greek philosophy excels in linear thinking so we tend to be trained to see the world as either or so when you start embracing things as a both and which is more tied to ancient eastern philosophies like Buddhism or Taoism they acknowledge the paradoxical nature of existence and I think this is something that people can adopt it's it's thinking about balancing things like hard work with rest merging self-discipline with self-compassion finding the harmony between solitude and community integrating mind and body accepting oneself as sufficient yet capable of growth and I don't think we do that cognitive restructuring enough and we end up seeing things in a very limited way instead of expanding our views on things in different ways and it affects many different things in our life so the hedonism paradox is all about being on that hedonic treadmill where we're seeking pleasure and that often over time leads to less enjoyment because chasing too much pleasure can make regular life seem dull you know there's the paradox of intolerance absolute tolerance can destroy tolerance a society that tolerates everything including intolerance can become intolerant so it really requires that we put limits to preserve diversity and freedom things like that so it's finding harmony and balance in everything
and I love that yeah and the end having the end and not the or and talking about there's a part where you also talk about the cycle of progress and there you mentioned about analyzing and reviewing constantly and I think that's I think that's some something that we forget to do and that will bring us more harmony if we spend more time analyzing where you are and you mentioned about analyze and prioritize I think is the second but can you tell us a bit about that loop because I think we don't spend time usually like we're running running running and not spending time to stop and figure out where we are
yeah so in this third section of the book I go into really defining what the psychology of progress is but then I go into how do you start implementing in your life and something that I've used that I share in the book is something called the deliberate action process and if you pre-order the book I actually have created a 70 page e-book that outlines with great examples and worksheets how you can implement it in your life but it has six simple steps and you can implement the deliberate action process in a single day I've typically used it if you think of an agile methodology in a week long sprint to accomplish something I'm trying to accomplish but it starts with an analysis phase so you're analyzing at that given point what is going on in your life what is this aspiration you want to do and then what are the next steps that you want to take to get closer to it and that leads to prioritization which is the next step so you prioritize what are the two or three most meaningful things that you want to accomplish in the very near term then one of the most critical aspects of this is then you need to ignite meaning you need to create this motivation to want to accomplish it and I think that motivation if it's fleeting has a huge ramification on the next phase which is executing because we're not motivated to do it we're going to keep procrastinating and become that visionary arsonist but after you've executed it that as you were mentioning the two steps that often people don't do enough is to measure the progress that they've made even in that week from their past self or their actual self that they were to this future self that they're becoming and then use that again as motivations to renew the next cycle of action that you're going to take and maybe you didn't accomplish everything you wanted to and that's fine but you take that action then into again your analysis and your prioritization and if you start doing this on a continual basis it will change your life and I've used this in my personal life and I've used it in my professional life and it I cannot tell you how much it has worked just by getting into that simple processed routine of driving changes that you want with an actual process that sounds easy to do but is much harder to implement on a recurring basis.
Yeah and I think that part of measuring is important because I find that at least with some of my clients they set a goal and once they reach it they forget they set that goal so then they think of the next thing or something else they would have loved to achieve around that goal and then they feel they didn't accomplish it but if they you know if they really write down this is the goal and this is how I will know that I reached the goal then you will know and everything else is a plus or a minus but you reach whatever you set down and so measuring is so important and going back and reviewing what was that you wrote as a goal and how would you measure it so you don't feel like you have an accomplished especially for like perfectionists or you know people that are constantly trying to reach the next one and the next ones I think that cycle is so important.
I had one question about that cycle and it's how do you ignite yourself and it goes back to something that you said before but I wanted to ask you again.
Yeah I mean it goes back to your intrinsic motivation so it's like what is driving you to make the changes that you want to create in a work environment?
What is creating that drive to make the situation better for the team you might be leading?
Like what do you want to create and the same thing happens in our individual lives so by taking this action I can up level this aspect of me or by taking this I'm going to see this growth emerge or you know I think a great way to think about this is I'm about ready to get back into the heavy keynote speaking path and it's something that once you've been out of it for a little bit doesn't come naturally easy and so I've been doing things such as improv and toastmasters and other things to try to put myself in uncomfortable situations.
Well having to go to an improv class where you know that you're going to put yourself into this foreign thing isn't easy but if you motivate yourself to look at what your long-term goal is, what you're trying to better, it gives you more of that excitement to go and then once you're there you see that everyone is having to act in an uncomfortable way for them some might be easier to do it but to me it just keeps on perpetuating the cycle that you take that step and then you want to take another one and then it'll impact another place in your life positively.
Yeah and what is the biggest lesson that you've taken from writing this amazing book?
So I start out the whole book with a quote by Henry David Thoreau that the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation and to me when I think about this I just look at the studies that are coming out from Gallup that are showing 900 million people across the planet feel unfulfilled.
I look at studies from Tom Gillovich at Cornell University who examined thousands of people and found out that their biggest regret is not pursuing 76% of them not pursuing their ideal life.
You can look at Brani Weir's work in palliative care and it comes down to the same things.
So to me what I was really trying to write with this book is I'm laying out the framework for how do you create a life of significance
How do you go from who you actually are today and not fall into the trap of the odd life, the life you should do but the ideal life that you could do
And so that's what I hope readers take away from this is that it's not just a book to be read but it's a book to be lived and I wanted it to be something that they come back to time and time again on their journey of life because the principles apply across anyone.
Yeah, no and I think you've really accomplished that.
I think it's an amazing book that you can have kind of by your bedside and when you want to review some part of it but whether it's mentality or behavior or action you can go there and have an inspiration or find answers to where you feel stuck.
I think you've really done an amazing job.
And what has been the hardest thing writing this book?
If someone wanted to write a book what would you recommend?
Well, I think the hardest thing is that the whole publishing world is just drastically changing and so I would really think about do you want to self-publish versus doing the traditional route like I did and what is your underlying goal that you're trying to achieve with the book?
Because either way no matter which path you take ultimately the marketing and getting it out in the world is going to be on you either way.
So I think that was a big learning for me.
And also I think it's this book has gotten better through all the countless edits that I've done and so I think that first draft is great because it gives you something that that serves as a baseline but it's going to evolve over time and that's been part of the most rewarding aspect of the journey is as time has gone by seeing what I've written and then adjusting it.
I mean if I could just go back right now I'd rewrite it again but at some point you got to put the thing down.
Yeah, you need a deadline otherwise you're going to keep changing things and improving them.
And what is one thing that you feel you've grown out of this book?
Like you have grown as a person.
What is the one thing personally that has made you grow writing this book?
I think it brings me back to a quote from Oprah Winfrey that I use in the book.
Passion is energy.
Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you and to me what I wrote about in the book is really my passion.
It's to go out and to help people see that their lives truly matter, that your passion can fuel you to focus on what excites you, you to create the life that you've always dreamed of and that's what I'm hoping this starts as a movement of people desiring to become their self-realized self.
Yeah, I think what you've done, I think we know now each other for two years at least and I've seen the amazing work that you've done in the podcast, in your coaching, in sharing things, you know, and now writing the book.
So I've seen your growth and it's really beautiful to see.
It's amazing what you put out there.
So it's really a privilege to see that and to be able to share this book and I think it's going to really be amazing for people because it is like a method.
Like you have all this structure that you can go back to and learn from and use it in your life.
So I want to thank you for writing this book.
It's think is amazing.
Thank you, Christina.
Yeah, and I hope we can meet again.
We can meet back in Spain here.
I know in the other, in the other episode you shared with us a little bit of your story coming to Spain.
What it's going to be now your next adventure after writing this amazing book.
Well, after meeting your husband, I might have to get a Costa Rica.
So I definitely need a break.
I think the first thing in my mind is maybe going skiing, but definitely taking some time off getting a breath of refreshment.
Yeah, because marketing a book is a long drag.
Yeah, I can imagine.
And it's one of your steps.
Renew.
You need to renew.
Renovate, pause.
Yeah, sorry.
But thank you so much.
Thank you so much for being here.
I hope your book really gets out to as many people as possible and I'll make sure to share these as soon as possible.
Christina, thank you so much for having me.
It's always such an honor to get to talk to you and to be with a kindred spirit.
So thank you and thank you to your audience as well.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Bye.